I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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