just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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