He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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