Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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