i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
