six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
