So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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