You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
