Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
