Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
