People with herpes should wear stickers.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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