That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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