my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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