Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
