it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
