I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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