Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
