wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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