I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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