I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
