Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
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haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
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Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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