i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
