I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
