planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He? As in you personified your dick?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
