my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Randomize
