Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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