...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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