took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
