AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize