He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
