He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
