I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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