You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
