U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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