I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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