I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
