Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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