i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
