I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
