I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
