do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
