Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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