My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
