So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
