Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
