well I can't set my house on fire every night
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
