And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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