He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
