K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
