When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
my poor anus
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
