How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
