So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Houston, we have a squirter
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
