I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
