In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
