Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
