Plan B is the new Plan A
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
