woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
