Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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