Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
