I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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