8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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