So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
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They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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