Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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