Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
