No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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