the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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