that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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