I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
