Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I need to align my fucking chakras
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
