my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
smell my finger.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
